Twenty Bucks Says You'll Remember Me...~

On BTS' "Black Swan" and the Fear of Losing Passion

2020-01-18T00:11:45Z

I think this is the first time you're ever gonna catch me lowkey disagreeing with a BTS concept

I say lowkey 'cause this isn't something you can literally "disagree" on? This is fuckin Artist Culture in a nutshell. All of us feel like this at some point and time. I don't deny that. Maybe disagree isn't the right word. But I really want people to know that that fear isn't rooted in anything real. If you are an artist feeling like you've lost all passion for something you love, and you feel hopeless and lost, I want you to hear me: you cannot lose anything that is woven into your DNA. It is yours forever, whenever. Right now, for whatever reason, you are simply disconnected, or you just need rest (GOD I cannot stress rest enough in artistry). Whatever the reason, I can promise you with certainty that one day, the fog will lift, you'll find your way back, and it will be waiting right where you left it like nothing happened.

( Read more... )

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-09-30T04:24:00

2019-09-30T09:25:41Z

SO DOES HER SONG ABOUT BLUE!!!!!

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-09-30T04:13:00

2019-09-30T09:18:41Z

Not how Beyoncé's love song to her fans ("XO") and her bittersweet love song to music ("Love Drought") sound and feel 100% more genuine and organic than her love/reconciliation song for Jay-Z ("All Night Long"), but lemme not ☕👀

comments

On Melanie Martinez's K-12 and the Hijacking of Social Justice Language by Abusers

2019-09-18T01:10:29Z

Hello friends! It's been a minute, but I'm here with a new media analysis! This time about music. Melanie Martinez's new album + movie came out recently and I had a lot of Thoughts about it.

A quick heads up: this post is going to be discussing a myriad of issues, such as eating disorders (bulimia specifically), rape and sexual assault, victim blaming, abusive behaviors like gaslighting and guilt tripping, and body shaming. If these things trigger you, you may want to sit this one out.

That being said, let's get into it.
( Read more... )

comments

New Writing Dreamwidth!

2019-07-07T00:32:07Z

What's poppin' friends????

As you can probably see, I finally did it! I renamed this blog and created a new one just for my writing! It's https://chaoticcliche.dreamwidth.org/ . If you'd like to keep up with my writing, or see some of my work for the first time, please follow me over there as well!

This blog will remain the same, with personal rants and fandom meta. I'm not going anywhere, just adding more of me ;) Hope to see some of you there!

comments

Angels of Death and the Erasure of the "Other" in Current Media

2019-06-22T03:02:15Z

So, I binge-watched the anime Angels of Death last week, and it's pretty safe to say I've become thoroughly obsessed with it.

If you've never heard of it, Angels of Death, or Satsuriku no Tenshi, is the anime adaption of the indie horror game of the same name, released in 2016. I never heard of it until I saw the release trailer for the anime last summer, but apparently it was SUPER popular in Japan. The story follows Rachel Gardner, a stoic teenage girl who has a strange, intense desire to die. She finds herself trapped in a strange building where she meets a serial killer named Zack, who, as you can probably guess, tries to kill her as soon as they meet. Upon realizing she *wants* to die, and therefore wouldn't give him the thrill he craves, he instead makes a deal with her: She helps him escape the building and all the deranged murderers who control the other floors, and he'll grant her wish and kill her once they're outside.

The anime trailer hooked me immediately. I haven't totally divulged here yet about my favorite tropes and things in media, besides maybe what you've caught on to if you've been paying attention to my writing updates, but I LOVE edgy shit. I missed the train that left in 2007 that was supposed to transport me out of my emo phase. You give me anything that deals with monsters, villains, death, angsty violent characters, or anything otherwise dealing with what's usually undesirable in society, and you've got my attention. It was a bonus that Zack had the same VA as Bakugo from My Hero Academia (who is my favorite—again, edgy angry boy). You're gonna give me a full-blown apeshit Bakugo????? With a kickass scythe??? Sold. It took me awhile to get started, as most things do, but once I finished it, it was exactly what I wanted and more. I can't say that for many shows anymore. It's the only new anime I've actively searched fanfiction for in YEARS. I'm that desperate to stay in the world.

More under the cut

( Read more... )

comments

Another Moodboard =D

2019-06-15T23:05:57Z

Hey, Hey I'm having way too much fun with these :p I don't know why it took me so long to make this. This time it’s for my main WIP, the love of my life, my beautiful kids, Cynical Chaos!

( Read more... )

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-06-03T01:53:00

2019-06-03T07:13:07Z

Hey!! I wanted to share this here too!! I made a moodboard for my new Siren WIP! =D (under the cut)
( Read more... )

comments

OH! Also!!!

2019-05-24T01:16:07Z

I started posting some of my writing! I have a specific tumblr for it, and an ao3 account! I posted three poems so far, and you can check them out here:

"Julia"

"I Need You"

"To Whom It May Concern"

I will be posting more things there, including stuff about my book (and eventually some of the actual book if all things go well), as well as here like always. Looking forward to sharing with you all! ^_^

(PS: I made an actual writing avvie for myself now! Doesn't it kick ass??? =D)

comments

Sick ramblings

2019-05-24T00:29:37Z

It's always so interesting to feel myself slowly come out of the fog of being sick. I feel like a lot of the time, since it's usually a pretty stressful event for me (especially when I'm admitted >_>), I'm always lowkey disassociating through it? Like I think that's a lot of being sick in general, but it's almost like illness creates a liminal space and time just kinda stops or slows to a crawl, and life just seems off? But as I'm starting to feel better, it's like I can literally feel myself stepping back into normal reality. With each passing day, I feel more and more like I did right before I got sick. Like the living epitome of saying, "Cool. anyway,". Almost like it never even happened.

Which is great because dammit good things were happening in my life before this, I felt good and excited for the future, and I'm reclaiming all that as my own again thanks!!!

It's good to be back.

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-05-20T20:07:00

2019-05-21T03:23:42Z

So I'm sorry that I haven't posted or been around lately, but one minute I'm trying to finish my last finals and then the next I'm admitted in the hospital =(

I got out two Saturdays ago, so I'm okay now, but I was in there for three days. Just an infection gone out of control super fast. I've been super exhausted since then and just really brain foggy, so it's been kinda hard to like.....be a person lol. I'm feeling really good right now though! So I wanted to say thank you for all the kind messages about my reading and my outfit, and even the excerpt that I read!!!! You're all so lovely. I'm really glad that I made a blog here =)

Now that I'm free from school, I've started making professional social medias! I'm planning on posting all of my future writings, including pieces of CC, on there from now on. I'm gonna be renaming this blog back to 'chaosonwheels' since that's what I use for my more personal and fandom stuff, and then I'm gonna be making another one to be 'chaoticcliche' to exclusively post my writing and talk about writing endeavors. Once I feel consistently good, I wanna start doing 30 day challenges and get to know the blogger things so I can get to know y'all and you can get to know me!!

Anyway, I'll try to keep everyone updated on how I feel!! Love you!!

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-05-04T02:14:00

2019-05-04T07:21:56Z

so friends, I have news………

MY READING WENT SUPER GREAT AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! =D

A lot of people liked it!!! My professor said some people even wanted me to keep going after I stopped!!!

Also, yo, the dean of the Creative Writing department was there and he’s one of the few (if not only) professors that writes YA at the school, and I’ve had a class with him before, and he said he wants me to make an appointment with him this week to talk about CC 👀👀 It was super vague but I’m excited!!!!!!

ALSO MY CHERRY BROWNIES WERE A HIT YEET!!!!!! IT WAS A TOTAL WIN ALL AROUND!!!

Also also also!! I ended up not wearing my dress this time since it was a bit more of a casual event, so I just wore the lace shirt by itself and a casual black Lolita skirt!!

Selfie under the cut!
( Read more... )

comments

TODAY IS THE DAY

2019-05-02T19:50:05Z

In a few hours, I'll be reading a bit from Cynical Chaos in front of an audience!! (And I'm dying from cramps so y'know that's fun lol)

Here's what I'm reading if any of you wanna follow along at home!

( Read more... )

comments

Boooooooooooo

2019-04-13T20:28:06Z

So sad news. The coffee shop our professor was trying to set our reading up with refused, and he couldn't find anywhere else that would take us, so the public reading is cancelled =/ We're still gonna have like a casual reading at someone's house or something, but that's it. I'm pretty bummed.

At least I got another cute Lolita ensemble now tho!

How have you all been?

comments

Cynical Chaos snippet (at some point I will carry over the other excerpts I posted on tumblr ^^;)

2019-04-10T08:14:54Z

I stayed up wayyy too late revising/rewriting this chapter for someone who has class in the morning, but I NEEDED to finish it. I really kinda love how the ending turned out and I wanted to share ^^

(obviously this is fresh off the press and it's 3am so please don't judge me for shit like grammar issues if you find any ^^;)

( Read more... )

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-04-07T13:12:00

2019-04-07T18:13:54Z

y'know.......even tho I lost that award, I still feel like there are good things on the horizon bookwise. Usually I internalize failures as being like a reflection on to my abilities, but I'm not feeling that way at all this time. Dare I say...growth???

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-04-02T19:24:00

2019-04-03T00:27:03Z

I posted this on fandom ink too, but do y’all remember that time of fandom where people would post about how they got mono from a convention because people would just?????? kiss whoever asked????? My disabled ass could never. Keep your stranger germs away from me lmao

comments

So, some really cool updates about my life!!!

2019-03-30T19:56:47Z

A little backstory first...

I've been writing and revising a YA Novel since I was 15. It's called "Cynical Chaos" and it is what I consider my life's work. I love it. I believe in it more than anything. We've been on the grind together for a decade--beta readers, revising, rejections, rinse repeat--and now that I'm graduating college, we're finally starting to see some progress!

Last weekend, I got to present my ideas and goals for the novel at my school's Graduate Symposium. And on May 2nd, the last day of my college career, my Capstone class decided that we wanted to celebrate by doing a public reading of our projects! Our professor is getting us a spot at the most popular coffee shop in town!

So anyway, the point of this post,

( Read more... )

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-03-13T20:59:00

2019-03-14T02:02:56Z

Cool now literally the entire fediverse hates bts now that's cool I'm so glad stan twitter has to continue ruining my favorite things for me =)

It's not a good week for me fam lmao (at least it's not the instance I actually talk about my fandoms on)

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-03-12T01:15:00

2019-03-12T06:17:28Z

Well it seems my nursing staff will not be the most pressing issue I deal with this week

comments

cw: discussions of suicide, suicide ideation

2019-03-12T05:50:11Z

( Read more... )

comments

deep mixed girl problems under the cut

2019-03-09T03:09:14Z

( Read more... )

comments

I'M BACK =D

2019-03-07T21:09:01Z

Hello friends! I had a very impromptu break from social media, but I'm back now lol. For some reason, I got in a mood of partial isolation where I just wanted to focus on my studies, my book, and talking to my friends. Everything else was too much stimulation in a way. Idk. It's been a bit rough on my end for awhile, so maybe I just needed the illusion of a break lol. It must've worked though! I feel much better. Rejuvenated even.

How have you all been? Did I miss anything?

comments

A Witch Poem

2019-02-09T22:02:54Z

We had an assignment in my Contemporary Writers class to write a poem "under the influence" of a poet we read. This assigned poet was Danez Smith, and I actually adore how it turned out. I wanted to post it somewhere, so here it goes!

( Read more... )

comments

chaosonwheels @ 2019-02-05T14:50:00

2019-02-05T21:00:50Z

I followed so many people on dw today lmao GIMME ALL THE FRIENDS

I hope small, goofy posts like this are okay here. That's usually what I do on the fediverse but I wanna be as active as I can here as well!! I'm kinda vibing with the idea of spreading out fandom instead of trying to find one single hub. It just seems to make more sense to build community in as many areas as possible. Wider audiences = more diverse voices = better conversation!

comments