deep mixed girl problems under the cut

[chaosonwheels]

I want to surround myself with people who love and validate all my identities, particularly my race. I'm so sick and tired of my family making sarcastic comments or making me feel like the bad guy for being black, or as they call it, "relating more with black people". If you don't want black kids, don't fuck a black person. I'm so tired of being around people that just make it seem like I'm--or literally any other marginalized person in the world tbh--responsible for the division in the first place, or that reverse racism is a thing and just as bad. And it's my entire family, not just my parents. Like honestly I could not show up to one of our holidays, and nobody would probably notice. What's acceptable for me is to just sit there and ignore any and all bigotry or just plain shit I don't agree with, otherwise I have a reputation of being the "over-dramatic" left girl. I for real barely talk. And I wish it was just my family!!!! But it's not. I'm literally surrounded with white people who refuse to have any productive conversation about race. All my nurses are white, my college is predominantly white. I grew up in a town where the only black people that existed were other mixed kids. Deadass. I swear to the Goddess, white women fuck the few black men there for the experience and/or the "cute" kids, and then fuck if the relationship doesn't work every single time. Wonder why. What's sad is that's not even a rare explanation. 

I deserve to be taken seriously. I deserve to have people around me that respect me and what I have to say, without writing me off as exaggerating or over-dramatic. I deserve an identity. Most importantly, I deserve to be understood.

When I move, I'm literally not tolerating this shit from anyone anymore. I am unapologetically black, unapologetically Pagan, unapologetically disabled, unapologetically anarchist, and unapologetically an independent woman!!!! I will no longer be made to feel like I have to justify my entire existence!!!!

Why am I still here?